What Possessed Me

The Deer Hunter meets Wall Street

Just as I really started to droop this afternoon, our receptionist plonked an enormous mystery parcel at my feet.  On the outside of the box was this little illustration:

Inside the box:

1 pair of antlers with deer fur still attached (extra points for grisliness!)
2 detached antlers
1 Hayes Carl CD (rated four stars)

All from my favorite hunter and all-around rascal, Woodrow.

Woodrow likes to shoot things and make jerky.  I've been on the receiving end of some mighty fine Woodrow jerky, but this box of goodies takes the cake.

"But what can I give you in return?" I asked. After all, A box full of antlers is difficult to top.

It turns out that all Woodrow wants is photographic evidence that I am putting his antlers to good use. Some cute furry little animals died for these antlers, and the least I can do is pay homage to their remaining body parts.

And so, Exhibit A:

I call this one "King of the Cubicle."

We found that disturbing plastic naked baby with man boobs in the office today. As you do.

Then it seemed necessary to pose him in the managing partner's chair while he was away at a meeting. "You Have Been Replaced" speaks to the helplessness and vulnerability we all feel at the hands of ego-maniacal corporate giants.

My boss has not returned yet from his meeting.

I'll let you know when I get fired.

Thank you, Woodrow! I am the luckiest girl in all of blogdom.

And lo! A gift from on high!

Or: When good things happen to bad people.

Well, here it is. Ten o’clock in the evening and no posts today. Not even a little one. The truth is, little ol' P. is getting spanked at work. She is in over her head. She is doing things she doesn’t know how to do. She is busy pulling the wool over their eyes. She is a masquerading as Business Barbie.

You know what else she is doing?

Completely ignoring you. Again. Just like this weekend! After she said she wouldn’t! Are you going to take that?

And you know what else she is doing?

Eating jerky.

Jerky that came in a package all the way from Oklahoma. A gift that landed on my incredibly chaotic, paper strewn desk at approximately 1:00pm, when I was about to curl under my cube and suck my thumb.

Woodrow and his gorgeous boy made jerky.

You may have heard that jerky comes from the lifeless corpses of dead animals. Like antelope. And deer. And several other animals that I can't identify because I'm from New York. This all came as an enormous surprise, as I'd always thought that "Asian Zing" antelope strips came from a jerky factory in China.

I like how Woodrow and The Boy played paint ball with the antelope or whatever!



This animal sure is cuddly!



Look - here they are sleeping in a cart! So cute!



To show my thanks, I promised Woodrow that I would help him come up with a name for his new boat. I jotted down a few ideas while I was coming home on the subway tonight:

Jazz Hands
Thigh Master
Hairy Nevus
Recessionista
Yes Dear
The Boy's College Fund
Cabeza de Carne
Drunkard's Dream (homage to The Band)
Lorelei's Revenge

Post your suggestions for boat names in the comment section below and win a date with the dashing (and newly single) Woodrow. (Yes, I am pimping him out. I am also pimping out Loverboy - all he requires is a Mexican girl with dark, smoldering eyes.)