What Possessed Me

newfragile yellows

This morning I woke up to the scent of

and the sight of

and felt grateful for

This little house makes me so happy.

I haven't been feeling myself lately. I seem to be in a constant state of struggling and flailing and questioning and doubting. I am easily dispirited and discouraged. I feel tired all the time.  Someone very clever told me that it's All Very Normal and Part of a Process of Growth and that I am Making Excellent Progress after a Period of Stagnation. So that's good, isn't it? I wanted to tell you why I haven't been around here much - and also to reassure you (in case you are like me) that everyone in the blogosphere isn't living a Fantin Latour existence. Lots of us are thrashing through quicksand half the time.

I think I may have a Royal Wedding Hangover. I woke up at 5am yesterday to watch the festivities and wept all the way through. It touched me, a year (almost to the day) after my own wedding, to witness a beautiful girl marrying a handsome boy. It felt that simple to me. Love and hope are infectious. 

I am thinking about this poem today:

i have found what you are like

the rain

             (Who feathers frightened fields

with the superior dust-of-sleep. wields

easily the pale club of the wind

and swirled justly souls of flower strike

the air in utterable coolness

deeds of gren thrilling light

                                        with thinned

newfragile yellows

                           lurch and.press

--in the woods

                        which

                                  stutter

                                           and

                                                 sing

And the coolness of your smile is

stirringofbirds between my arms;but

i should rather than anything

have(almost when hugeness will shut

quietly)almost,

                      your kiss

- e.e. cummings

 

With love and hope from your faithful servant,

P.

 

In which I cleanse my body (but not my mind)

Me, on Day 3 of my Faux-BluePrintCleanse.

I am doing a motherfucking juice cleanse. JUICE: FUCK YEAH!

It seemed like a good idea since I'm overweight, depressed, lethargic, unmotivated and completely undisciplined. I'm also teetering on the brink of pauper-dom, so instead of forking over $150 for BluePrint, I bought SIX BAGS of fruit and veg and spent three and a half hours reducing salad into a collection of eighteen vile-looking beverages following these guidelines.* 

I'm on Day Two of Three and am:

• Feeling like crap
• Experiencing severe caffeine withdrawal
• Shitting beet juice (alarming)

I am NOT:

• Feeling more energized and focused
• Getting rid of toxins
• Closer to Jesus

I am skeptical of the whole cleansing fad, though some of the juices are tastier than one might expect. I have a hard time saying "nut juice" without winking and laughing, so I would avoid following this program if you have the maturity of a fourteen year old boy.

I'll be back here soon with more verve, I hope. Thank you all for being so lovely and encouraging. I miss you and sometimes I even miss this place. xo

 

* You will notice after spending a few hours on the internet Googling "juice fast" that there are a lot of freaky juicing evangelists out there. These people are fine for the internet and for using for your own selfish purposes, but I'm not sure I'd want to know one. Which is why I'm keeping my little juicing experiment low-pro by posting it on my blog.

Giraffe tragedy

IM conversation from minutes ago:

Fauxhawk:   Jesus i think i'm just going to go home. ugh, u thr?...they shot the one that was still alive. they put up like a shield thing so nobody could see but obv u could hear it

Me:  hello? what? shot whom?

Fawkhawk:  see my text?

Me:  no 

Fauxhawk:  you don't use your phone

Me:  i just got out of 4 mtgs

(checks text message from Fauxhawk)

Two giraffes from the circus of Radio City or somewhere flattened by a city garbage truck on Madison Avenue. Still happening. One is still alive but r going to shoot him probably.

Me: OMG OMG that is so terrible

Fauxhawk:  i know and so ironic that it happened on april fool's...

Me:  wait - what were giraffes doing on the street?

Fauxhawk:  walking from the stables on e 34th st

Me: OMG (frantically Googles "giraffes+new york+garbage truck+dead" for latest breaking news).

Phone rings.

Me: This is so terrible! What were they doing on the street?! They're dead?!

Fauxhawk: They were coming from the...wait. I can't do this to you. APRIL FOOL'S!

Me: You are a horrible, horrible person.

 

Image via Hunson is Groovy.