I spoke to a woman yesterday who was seven months pregnant and looking for career advice.
"I don't want to go out on interviews now," she said. "I want to come at this from a position of strength."
A position of strength. It struck me as odd that a woman kicking ass in her job while simultaneously cooking up a baby AND caring for two other babies AND a husband would feel like anything other than absolute powerhouse. But then in the context of Corporate America, pregnancy is viewed as a kind of disability. In fact at many firms, maternity leave is actually short-term disability - six weeks paid out at forty percent normal wages.
"Don't get me wrong," she assured me. "I was doing deals while I was in labor with my first. No one could ever accuse me of not jumping right back on the horse after having my babies."
And that's fine. But what were her options? As the family breadwinner, as a woman interested in maintaining a vibrant career, they were few. Come back soon and come back hard. Don't let them notice you were gone. Don't let them see that you're conflicted. Don't let them think you're interested in doing something as trivial as caring for your child. Don't let them catch you soft, leaking, tired, vulnerable.
I've watched pregnant colleagues walk out of HR with a look of grim acceptance. And it occurs to me that pregnant women in the workplace are a vulnerable, disenfranchised population. They have little bargaining power. They have take what they can get because Lord knows no one else at work is fighting for them. In all of my years working in offices, I've never once heard anyone campaign for better maternity leave or more flexible work hours.
Though some institutions have adopted more family friendly policies (how about paternity leave, people?), I feel dispirited when I hear stories like this one. I wonder if spending the last six years in such a hostile environment has influenced my own ideas about having a family. It all feels so impossibly difficult. And I think about all the hard work that went into giving women as many options as possible, only to have them feel punished for exercising them.
This garbled little piece of writing is just to say:
Mothers in the workplace, I don't know how you do it.
No seriously - how do you do it? I'd love to hear from you.
Gif via tatielle.
