What Possessed Me

And since you asked (New York edition)

(Auden in NY)

Linda asked:

What are somethings that you like most about NYC?

I like it that the people who live here have guts. I like it that we're good in a pinch, even though half the time we'll walk over your dying body if we're late to work.  I like that the bagels are good and the hot dogs are better. I like the High Line and the Cloisters and the Promenade and the Brooklyn Botanic Garden and the bike path leading to the George Washington Bridge. I like that the city is the show. I like Dressler and Moto and Five Leaves and Lombardi's and Vinegar Hill House and Balthazar and Snack Taverna. I like that when I return to the neighborhood where I was born and raised, people recognize me. I like that you can create your own village here, and that you can disappear if it suits you. I like that you can be completely yourself and no one cares. I like that you can be Giselle or Angelina or Bono and everyone pretends not to care. I like the hidden gardens and the unexpected beauty of rooftop oases.  I like that you can get almost anywhere on public transportation at any hour of the day. I like that the most creative people in the world live here. I like the intensity and energy and rigor. I like that wonderful, spontaneous things happen here. 

Watch this and weep.

More and more reasons to love New York. 

Lori asked:

Will you always live in New York? Or a big city?

I have lived in big cities (New York, Cairo, London) and small cities (Cambridge, Boston, Geneva), but I have never lived in the country. One day I want to experience what it's like to bring the chickens in at night and eat from my garden and look out into a field full of bluebells. I'd like to think I'll live somewhere else for a while, knowing that I'll always have New York to come home to.

(Harper's Bazaar September 2009)

Will you change jobs?

God, I hope so. Someone please hire me.

 

What are your unfulfilled dreams that you are actually determined to fulfill?

I want to see West Africa. I want to learn French. I want to do something that means something to me.

 

(via Suicide Blonde)

Do you like yourself?

Mostly, most of the time, though I can self-flagellate with great aplomb.

abigail said...  

do you think Canadians should just submit and become Americans? (you said anything, and I'm a dueler (a Camerican as I'd like to say)). be as politically incorrect as possible.

As a self-respecting American, I exist in a state of willful and blissful ignorance about Canada. Wait - that's not true. I lived with a Canadian for a year while I was in Cairo, and all I can say is that she spoke French with a weird accent and fired our Egyptian housecleaner for pilfering her stash of chocolate chips. What does it all mean? It means that Canadians should stop wearing those silly flags on their backpacks. It's irritating. Quit it. And that's all I'm going to say aboot that.

Even more questions (Fauxhawk edition)

 

Blind Irish Pirate said:

I need a story as to how you and FH met.

The Hawk and I met on the internets. His profile was ridiculous - he spent the entire time talking about pheasant smoothies and dung huts, while I had spent hours obsessing over every (witty, poignant, yet breathtakingly upbeat) word. I can't remember all the details, but it was definitely the profile of a serial killer. Which was refreshing because I'd already met a whole bunch of dudes who liked yoga (instant disqualification) and one guy who liked robots, and I was striking out. It's not as though I wasn't totally flattered when "I Have an Eight Inch Cock" sent me a wink, it's just that I was looking for someone literate and mean-spirited and impossibly handsome. Did I mention that Fauxhawk's picture was weird? Like, almost demented? Anyway, we met up at a bar and he was literate and mean-spirited and impossibly handsome. Then we had Thai food and talked about the time I almost got sold into sex slavery and about the time he almost got busted by the narcs for smoking tobacco on the street. We had an awkward half-hug goodbye and I bolted over to a friend's house to jump around with excitement.

Amber was also interested in hearing about Fauxhawk:

I'd love to hear more about you and fauxhawk. Just because it seemed like you got engaged - which we'd all kinda been expecting - and then pre wedding the focus was on hilariuus wedding dress incidents and very few 'so, um I'm getting married WTF, I need to talk about that'. So can you give us any insight into that married/changing relationship/family fuck ups side of things. Which maybe you've written in sn APW graduate post in which case why the fuck isn't it up yet. That is all. Yiurbligging bringsme much typo filled joy.

You know, that's a really interesting point. You're right - I didn't write much about my feelings about getting married. With the exception of this post, I was almost entirely focused on getting through the (mostly horrible) process of planning a wedding.

I didn't have wedding jitters. I wasn't overwhelmed by the idea that my life was about to change. It's not that the Hawk and I didn't have knock-down, drag out fights, because we did - we had lots of them, more than we would have liked. And it's not as though we didn't have unpleasantness with his parents or mine. There was plenty of unpleasantness to go around. And then there were environmental factors: I got a new job that was incredibly demanding. Fauxhawk got laid off. Then I was pissed when Fauxhawk got a new job that worked him 100 hours a week during a time when I needed him the most. We were both pissed off by the hard lines our parents drew and the strong opinions they expressed. My dad had open heart surgery and a ton of complications. Fauxhawk's dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer and couldn't come to the wedding. It was not a happy time for us, and it took it's toll on our relationship. At one point I was so fed up with everyone and everything that I fled to a friend's house, where I camped out for a weekend.  I questioned everything, and it was scary. That was my breaking point. It signaled to everyone to nod politely and back the fuck off. Things got better. 

But despite all the difficulties, and aside from that weekend during which my resentment burned with the intensity of a thousand suns, I never questioned whether or not I should be getting married to Fauxhawk. We had already gotten that out of the way by the time we got engaged. Over the course of five years, we've had periods of misalignment. We broke up, got back together, broke up again, got back together again, broke up once more, and then, finally, after an agonizing period of negotiation (see archives June - September 2007 for the blow-by-blow), decided that we really wanted and needed to be a couple. We talked about marriage. I wasn't ready. We moved in together. I still wasn't ready. We took the issue off the table, got on with our lives, and created a good life together. At some point I knew that I could do this - that I wanted to do this. There wasn't a moment of realization - it just happened organically.

 

emmie gemmie asked: 

are you trying for children?

Yes, I would like a baby panda, please.

Kate! wondered:

wait! who's funnier: you or Fauxhawk?

I hate to say this, but I think he's funnier. I find this particularly annoying because the Hawk always wins the tanning competition and now he's winning the Funnier Person Award and I don't even think he's trying, which is even more annoying. Yeah, so, thanks for causing a permanant rift in our relationship, Kate. 

Images via Aubrey Road, Bloom Magazine, Vera.

More questionzzz

Heidi asked: 

What is the most magical thing you have witnessed or experienced?

Oh chickens, I can't stop at one. Instead, I offer you two.

An unexpected visitation.

 

Discovering buried treasure in the deserts of Egypt.

_____

Lisa wanted to know:

What is your favorite breakfast cereal?

God, I love this question. Even though I think Greek yogurt with honey and walnuts is the best brekkie in the history of breakfasts, I discovered Bear Naked Fruit and Nut Granola and my world was blown open. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW GOOD THIS GRANOLA IS, or how fat it makes you when you eat it. I don't even like cereal, am deeply suspicious of milk and have developed a phobia of soggy grains, but I really, really like Bear Naked. They have a less fattening variety, but let's be honest and shout a collective EFF THAT.

_____

Cassie wondered: 

Is that Loverboy guy single + straight?

Peonies jumped all over that, adding:

Oh yes, I want to know too. I'm a little bit in love with Loverboy.

Hee hee hee hee hee. Heehehehehehehehehehehehe.

Ahem. Sorry.

Some of you may remember Loverboy from our Mexican roadtrip, when LB and I commandeered the radio in his old Mercedes station wagon as Fauxhawk's GI tract turned to slush. LB is Fauxhawk's bestie - they grew up together and have probably spent 14,000 hours on the phone tittering and carrying on about girls. They are a bunch of ninnies but I love them both. LB is wanderer, an adventurer, and an all-around good egg. He is single, heterosexual, and prone to hardcore crushes. It's unclear whether his new puppy is a ploy to lure women, but whatever, he has a puppy, so bonus points.  I wish he didn't live in Mexico City, because I miss hanging out with him and it makes pimping him out to Cassie really difficult.

_____

Photo of our Best Man Loverboy by Lillian and Leonard.