Blind Irish Pirate said:
I need a story as to how you and FH met.
The Hawk and I met on the internets. His profile was ridiculous - he spent the entire time talking about pheasant smoothies and dung huts, while I had spent hours obsessing over every (witty, poignant, yet breathtakingly upbeat) word. I can't remember all the details, but it was definitely the profile of a serial killer. Which was refreshing because I'd already met a whole bunch of dudes who liked yoga (instant disqualification) and one guy who liked robots, and I was striking out. It's not as though I wasn't totally flattered when "I Have an Eight Inch Cock" sent me a wink, it's just that I was looking for someone literate and mean-spirited and impossibly handsome. Did I mention that Fauxhawk's picture was weird? Like, almost demented? Anyway, we met up at a bar and he was literate and mean-spirited and impossibly handsome. Then we had Thai food and talked about the time I almost got sold into sex slavery and about the time he almost got busted by the narcs for smoking tobacco on the street. We had an awkward half-hug goodbye and I bolted over to a friend's house to jump around with excitement.
Amber was also interested in hearing about Fauxhawk:
I'd love to hear more about you and fauxhawk. Just because it seemed like you got engaged - which we'd all kinda been expecting - and then pre wedding the focus was on hilariuus wedding dress incidents and very few 'so, um I'm getting married WTF, I need to talk about that'. So can you give us any insight into that married/changing relationship/family fuck ups side of things. Which maybe you've written in sn APW graduate post in which case why the fuck isn't it up yet. That is all. Yiurbligging bringsme much typo filled joy.
You know, that's a really interesting point. You're right - I didn't write much about my feelings about getting married. With the exception of this post, I was almost entirely focused on getting through the (mostly horrible) process of planning a wedding.
I didn't have wedding jitters. I wasn't overwhelmed by the idea that my life was about to change. It's not that the Hawk and I didn't have knock-down, drag out fights, because we did - we had lots of them, more than we would have liked. And it's not as though we didn't have unpleasantness with his parents or mine. There was plenty of unpleasantness to go around. And then there were environmental factors: I got a new job that was incredibly demanding. Fauxhawk got laid off. Then I was pissed when Fauxhawk got a new job that worked him 100 hours a week during a time when I needed him the most. We were both pissed off by the hard lines our parents drew and the strong opinions they expressed. My dad had open heart surgery and a ton of complications. Fauxhawk's dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer and couldn't come to the wedding. It was not a happy time for us, and it took it's toll on our relationship. At one point I was so fed up with everyone and everything that I fled to a friend's house, where I camped out for a weekend. I questioned everything, and it was scary. That was my breaking point. It signaled to everyone to nod politely and back the fuck off. Things got better.
But despite all the difficulties, and aside from that weekend during which my resentment burned with the intensity of a thousand suns, I never questioned whether or not I should be getting married to Fauxhawk. We had already gotten that out of the way by the time we got engaged. Over the course of five years, we've had periods of misalignment. We broke up, got back together, broke up again, got back together again, broke up once more, and then, finally, after an agonizing period of negotiation (see archives June - September 2007 for the blow-by-blow), decided that we really wanted and needed to be a couple. We talked about marriage. I wasn't ready. We moved in together. I still wasn't ready. We took the issue off the table, got on with our lives, and created a good life together. At some point I knew that I could do this - that I wanted to do this. There wasn't a moment of realization - it just happened organically.
emmie gemmie asked:
are you trying for children?
Yes, I would like a baby panda, please.
Kate! wondered:
wait! who's funnier: you or Fauxhawk?
I hate to say this, but I think he's funnier. I find this particularly annoying because the Hawk always wins the tanning competition and now he's winning the Funnier Person Award and I don't even think he's trying, which is even more annoying. Yeah, so, thanks for causing a permanant rift in our relationship, Kate.
Images via Aubrey Road, Bloom Magazine, Vera.
