After spending several hours engaged in one of the most unglamorous activities - trying on dresses at Bloomies that made me look like a giant uncooked pork sausage - my mom and I decided to focus our efforts on something slightly more cheerful.
We headed to Tiffany. I hadn't been since the last time I bought a pair of candlesticks off of someone's registry, mostly because I associate it with crowds of tourists in shorts and tube socks buying silver keychains and "IF FOUND, RETURN TO TIFFANY" paraphernalia. I had forgotten that it is a lovely place, full of impossible beauty and sparkly chandelier earrings.
My mom made a bee-line for the bridal registry.
"We'll just look," she said, as I trailed behind. "Just to get ideas."
The third floor is a quiet, gentile place, full of beautifully turned-out saleswomen in pastel suits. We gazed at the handpainted china.
"This one is pretty," I said. A saleswoman who was in earshot commented on my choice.
"It's $2,400 for a place setting," she noted matter-of-factly. It was difficult to tell through her neutral Midwestern accent and her even tone if she thought this was even a remote possibility.
"Hmm!" I said cheerfully, cocking my head to the left. And then, when she turned away - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. It was fun to pretend.
Meanwhile, a plain, oversized woman in yellow sweatpants shouted into her cell phone by the crystal goblets.
"I HAD MY HAIR DONE! I TOLD HIM I LOOK JUST LIKE LAUREN BACALL."
My mother and I exchanged bemused looks, awe-struck by her powers of delusion. "I'm waiting for Bogie to make an appearance any minute," my mom giggled.
In the elevator, the woman turned to us and shouted, "I JUST TOLD MY GODSON THAT I LOOK EXACTLY LIKE LAUREN BACALL WITH THIS HAIRCUT."
We smiled. After all, wasn't that what we were all there to do? To bask in the fantasy that the impossible is possible? To try on a richer, more beautiful, more fabulous life?
"Mom," I whispered. "Why was she talking to us? Do you suppose she was crazy?"
"No, I think she's just from out of town."
Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany"s from here with thanks. Have you seen the rare Audrey photos on The English Muse?
