A homework assignment

Someone I love and admire read this post last week and gave me a talking to.

“You have such a negative view of yourself. Aren’t you afraid that the negative things you say about your life will become a self-fulfilling prophesy?”

Silence. Hmmm.

“And what about the good things in your life? Why don’t you focus on them? Like the fact that you got back together with your boyfriend last year and things are going well?”

More silence. And then: “Maybe you’re right.”

It was one of those conversations you have in the dark, late at night. It was one of those conversations that sticks with you, invades your dreams, keeps you awake at night.

I didn’t realize. I didn’t know.

Later, I tell my shrink about it.

“And what do you think?” wise shrink asks.

“I think that there may be some truth to this, even though I often feel that writing and reading about triumphs is kind of nauseating. I respond more to self-flagellation.”

“Do you find it difficult to talk about your triumphs?”

“Umm…not sure I’ve had any in the past few years,” I say.

“Okay, what about things you like about yourself?”

“Uhhh…”

“What do you like about yourself?”

I pause for a long time, looking around the room at the nondescript, inoffensive mid-century office furniture. I am uninspired. Finally, I say, “I am good at making lasagna.” It's the first thing I can think of, and it's a bit weak.

“Good!” wise shrink says. “What else?”

Another minute passes. Again, I’m at a loss. “I don’t have dandruff,” I say. This is true, and I am very pleased with myself about this fact.

This game is difficult and boring. I'm struggling to do my part. Can’t we just play Uno and call it a day?

“Okay! We’ll come back to this some other time.”

Presumably, this is what people do in therapy. American people, that is. (If you're British, my understanding is that you don't go to therapy. Instead, you grind your teeth and drink pints in front of the rugby.) But as bullshit as it sounds, this woman is a brick, and I like her too much to let her down. So I am supposed to come up with a list of things that I like about myself. It’s my homework assignment for the week. Given a choice, I would rather hang by my nipples in hell. Is that an option? Sadly, no.

So while I suffer through this tedious task, I’m going to need your help. I’m going to ask you to distract me with questions.

Come out from the shadows and ask me any question you like, as long as it won't offend Jesus. I'll post the questions and responses, with links back to your site (if you have one).

Thank you for playing.


Beautiful silkscreen print by wondercabinet available on Etsy.