Boy/Baby Replacement

I spent a grueling weekend with Fauxhawk, continuing our ongoing investigation of whether we can ever be together again.

On the agenda:

- Sobbing
- Silence
- Alienation
- Closeness
- Promising impossible things

I am worn out and heartsick. I have difficult things ahead of me. I just want this week to be OVER.

Feeling completely dejected, I joined my cousin for dinner last night. During this dinner, I realized three things:

1. Gin martinis are medicinal, especially when consumed in rapid succession. Drink three for optimal effect.
2. Fantasy Baby Zone is scary place, fit only for people who do not need gin for medicinal purposes. Also, it’s unclear if there is affordable real estate and good shoes stores there.
3. As a person who now uses gin for elaborate healing rituals, I wonder if I’m barking up the wrong tree with boys and babies. I’m thinking that hedgehogs might be a suitable replacement. Look at these. Look at them. These are better than boys, and most certainly better than babies.

God help me, I want a hedgehog.