Nuptial by nature

In a recent conversation, my friend Esteban (names changed to protect the innocent, or my ass will be kicked) revealed that his girlfriend was “vibing” him.

Apparently, the vibe was distinctly nuptial. Intrigued, I pressed him for details – what exactly had she said? Had she gone off the deep end, bookmarking engagement rings on his computer (hi Liz!)? Esteban reassured me that things were still under control, but heading into treacherous waters. Panic was beginning to set in.

- Sometimes when I think about marriage, I want to curl up into fetal position.
- Me too.
- Really?
- Yeah. But think about Jesus! He had to marry God AND the Holy Spirit! And no masturbation or fornication allowed!”
- Is this supposed to make me feel better?
- Well, I'm just saying that in times of trouble we can all benefit from Christ and his teachings.
- Persephone, I’m Jewish.
- But we are both People of the Book!
- People of the…what? Didn’t you play hooky from Sunday school and spend your offering money on watermelon Now & Laters? Didn’t you refuse to be in the Christmas pageant?
- Shut up! I was the Prophetess Someone or Other! The one that got knocked up at 80!
- Well, then, there’s hope for you.

Oh Esteban, you witty, witty man.