I am doing a motherfucking juice cleanse. JUICE: FUCK YEAH!
It seemed like a good idea since I'm overweight, depressed, lethargic, unmotivated and completely undisciplined. I'm also teetering on the brink of pauper-dom, so instead of forking over $150 for BluePrint, I bought SIX BAGS of fruit and veg and spent three and a half hours reducing salad into a collection of eighteen vile-looking beverages following these guidelines.*
I'm on Day Two of Three and am:
- Feeling like crap
- Experiencing severe caffeine withdrawal
- Shitting beet juice (alarming)
- Feeling more energized and focused
- Getting rid of toxins
- Closer to Jesus
I am skeptical of the whole cleansing fad, though some of the juices are tastier than one might expect. I have a hard time saying "nut juice" without winking and laughing, so I would avoid following this program if you have the maturity of a fourteen year old boy.
I'll be back here soon with more verve, I hope. Thank you all for being so lovely and encouraging. I miss you and sometimes I even miss this place. xo
* You will notice after spending a few hours on the internet Googling "juice fast" that there are a lot of freaky juicing evangelists out there. These people are fine for the internet and for using for your own selfish purposes, but I'm not sure I'd want to know one. Which is why I'm keeping my little juicing experiment low-pro by posting it on my blog.