It's the one month anniversary of my father's death. This morning, I tried to remember that first night without him - when I crawled into my mother's bed and cried - but the details escape me. Maybe it's best that I not remember everything. There are definitely some memories I'd like to forget - moments burned on my brain that haunt me late at night. My greatest hope is that in time, these will be replaced with a carousel of images that make my heart glad.
Lately, I feel the fog of the last few weeks slowly lifting, the tiny leaves starting to unfurl. Spring is here, thanks be to God. I climbed out onto the balcony yesterday for the first time this year to survey the damage. A dead rose, a few broken pots, but signs of life everywhere.
I want to make this garden beautiful again. I have a feeling it will heal me.
Here's what I've got - and what I have on order:
On order: Wollerton Old Hall
Lady Emma Hamilton
Clematis Dancing King
Princess Alexandra of Kent
On order: Eurydice
On order: White Butterflies
On order: Tiger Babies
On order: Dahlia Kogana Fubuki
On order: Dahlia Serano
I now have a giant list of things to do: pruning, black spot prevention, sweeping, hauling soil and new containers, fertilizing, planting, repotting. Tennesee Williams said "the opposite of death is desire" - but I think it's work.