Q: Hey P, where did you go, girl?
Hi kids! Well, it's been a busy period of "throwing myself into my new job" and "spending time with my family." We all know that's a load of horseshit, so let's just be honest and fess up to what's really been going on:
- Floundering in a thin watery gruel of professional self-doubt, confusion, and regret. But what else is new?
- Grieving my father, who is, by the way, not dead. At all.
- Hacking the travel industry.
- Shouting at my parents while failing to connect their new printer. Qwality time!
- Resisting the urge to buy another English rose for my already cramped balcony garden.
- Cultivating my back fat.
- Taking care of what the good Lord gave me with a weekly application of unrefined organic coconut oil on my hair, face and body. SAWFT!
- Sabotaging my Weight Watchers program by binging on the crystal meth of Christmas candy.
- Reading my journal from 2001 and thinking, "What a fucking twat."
- Reading my journal from 2004 and thinking, "What a fucking twat."
- Watching entirely too many Cut by Fred hair tutorials to gawp at all of effortless French hotties getting their hair did (thanks, ESB).
- Making a list of things to do during my staycation and doing nary a one.
- Counting the alarming number of books about cats in our bookshelves.
- Realizing that this is the only travel magazine that doesn't enrage me.
- Forcing dozens of narcissus bulbs that smell faintly of vomit.
- Thinking about people who make life goals and why they are better than me.
- Plotting a Siberian fox adoption - and laughing at the FAQs.
- Staring at my neglected blog and thinking, "Just write something. Anything." And then not.
- Developing an obsessive and unhealthy relationship with "Friday Night Lights", followed by an equally dangerous rebound situation with "Breaking Bad." The antedote? BBC's production of "The Forsyte Saga" on Netflix Instant View.
- Re-reading Mary Karr's memoirs and underlining everything. Her Texas idiom is like poetry.
- Thinking, "I'm going to visit all the countries in the world in the next ten years!" and then realizing that there are a shit-ton of countries, so fuck it.
- Crying in public. Mostly about my dad, but also about other things that make me sad, like my back fat.
- Drinking too much punch and not regretting it.
- Gaping at these incredible images of 2011 (thanks, Deb).
- Wondering when I'll get back to Thailand to spoon me a tiger named Meatball.
- Sassing up with big bunz (this way and this way), corner falsies, and a great tutorial for a feline look. Meow.
- Marveling at - while simultaneously hating - people who do exactly what they want.
- Losing my sense of humor, but loving this and this and this.
- Falling in love with black and white through the eyes of a Scottish chemist.
- Practicing wanting more.
- Practicing wanting less.
Q: Are you done with WPM?
Q: Why haven't you written me back, you ungrateful bitch? I sent you such a nice note!
Image, apropos of nothing (except, wouldn't it be nice to look like that?), from My Little Black Dress.