What Possessed Me

Oh, for ball's sake.

It's snowing. 

AGAIN. 

What the EFF, people. I did not sign up for this. If I wanted handfuls of wet snow pelting my face from every angle until May, I'd live in Duluth.

ALSO, I sliced open the bridge of my left foot in a freak glass-breaking-while-rushing-to-a-meeting accident. I have never seen so much blood in my life - it looked as though I had sacrificed the fatted calf on my bathroom floor. Curiously, I got absolutely no sympathy when I showed up to work limping and bandaged and bleeding into my shoe. I'm telling you, it's dog eat dog out there, people. The vultures have already started circling my ergonomically correct chair and my power stapler and my funky tape dispenser.

IN ADDITION, I spent about two hours last night watching other people's wedding videos and bawling my eyes out. I have no idea where this came from - I don't even know these people. The videos aren't even that good. They just get me to thinking about my dad and how lucky I am that he's well enough to walk me down the aisle, and Fauxhawk's dad, who is well enough to toast us at the rehearsal dinner. They make me think about a time when they won't be around and how much I'll miss them, and how much I hope our wedding will be a celebration of life as much as a celebration of marriage. We are T-60 days to the wedding and I'm ridiculously emotional. If I can't watch "Patty + Bobby's Shotgun Spectacular" without tears pouring down my face, I can't imagine what will happen at our own ceremony.

MOREOVER, we decided to go ahead with the wedding video. Thank you so much for sending me your honest opinions - you gave me a lot of great ideas. If you have wedding clips that you like, would you send them to me? I'm trying to drum up as much inspiration as possible.

FURTHERMORE, I owe so many of you emails, it's shocking. I'm really behind - forgive me. I will be back to you soon. The baby animals submissions have been OFF THE HOOK of late - my ovaries are bursting with joy. Someone asked about what exercise DVDs I'm using - I've tried a bunch, finally alternating between P90 and a selection of workouts (the pilates chick from Ten Minute Solutions is my own personal venus) I order from Netflix or watch with the instant viewing function. I pretty much loathe exercise, so switching it up has worked for me. Now I look like Carmen Electra and I'm SO MUCH HAPPIER!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Image via Beehive.

Can't. Stop. Must. Stop.

 

 

 
   

Two things I've been doing this week:

1. Freebasing on Dutch and Flemish still life paintings at work, thumbing my nose at things like "deadlines" and "responsibilities" which can only be bad for the spirit and not as much fun as stripey flowers.

2. Ordering bare root roses online, laughing in the face of "space restrictions" on our very modest, 4'x16' balcony and "safety measures" like "easily accessible fire escapes."

I can't help it. Around this time of year I start to go batshit crazy and, like Cassie, spend more time than is healthy browsing through the temptations at Whiteflower Farm. BEHOLD my latest acquisitions: Rosa Scentimental (top) and Rosa Strawberry Hill (bottom), which will live next to Lady Emma Hamilton, Graham Thomas, and Benjamin Britten (all of whom look ghastly on the David Austin website so you'll have to trust me that they are glorious). I'm sure the neighbors, who share our fire escape, won't mind getting burned to a crisp so I can enjoy the gorgeous scent of my beautiful English roses.

Hans Bollongier, "Still Life With Flowers" - 1639 (top)

Rachel Ruysch, "Still Life With Flowers on a Marble Tabletop" - 1716 (bottom)

Hmmm...

I'm on the fence about something and wondered if you all could weigh in. A young actor/filmmaker wants to shoot our wedding for a nominal fee to build his portfolio. He's very smart, has lots of good ideas, and is allergic to the cheese that one sees in many wedding videos. Here's the thing: 

Wedding. Video. The two words together seem a little...vulgar.

It just worries me a little. On one hand, it all goes so quickly that it would be nice to have a record of Fauxhawk dancing with his fly unzipped and my right boob popping out during the Electric Slide. It would be nice to have something to look at later, if we wanted to, that includes our parents and families and friends. It would be nice to support a young person with a fresh perspective who wants to gain more experience. And it could turn out to be something really, really beautiful.

I'm just slightly concerned that it's going to turn the wedding into a three-ring circus. Photographers...videos...a parade of baby elephants...who are we, Chuck and Di? Is this going to be terribly intrusive?

Does anyone have any experience with this that they'd like to share? We need advice.

Portrait of Madame Alphonse Karr.