Slog

I have a hard time getting out of bed if there is no compelling reason to - for instance, if there is no coffee in the house or the kitchen is a cesspool or a cat is snoozing comfortably in the crook of my arm. This morning was particularly difficult because I faced an entire day of moving my blog to another provider and all the tricky, daunting mystery nonsense that comes with it.

Lying in bed, I was full of dread. It was my turn to make the coffee, but I couldn't bring myself to do it, because getting up meant the day was about to begin- the day when I would be forced to admit that the DOUCHEBAGS WHO CENSORED AND VANDALIZED MY BLOG WITH THEIR RIDICULOUS, PRUDISH FLAGGING SYSTEM had won.*

But instead of getting up, I lay in bed thinking that I would like to invite the douchebags over to my house for a nice cup of steaming botulism and then tie them together, forcing them to watch Belinda Carlisle videos on repeat. Then I would provide buckets and leave the house.

That amused me for a while, until it became necessary to plague the sleeping Fauxhawk with the "What Would Make This Cuter?" game. It goes something like this:

P: Fauxhawk! Look! Verne (the cat) is sleeping on my chest!
F: Yes, that's very cute. (Closes eyes)
P: But what would make this cuter?
F: Um...if Roy were here too? Shielding his eyes from the sun with his paw?
P: Yes! Very good! Also, a baby hedgehog.
F: And a tiny albino koala?
P: Or a dachshund puppy sleeping around your neck!
F: And maybe if I had a pink baby bonnet on?
P: PERFECT.

This game never fails to neutralize the bile.

And now I must carry on through the Great Blog Slog of 2009. If all goes well with the mystery squiggles you will be able to read WPM in a new spot with all the free, uncensored porn you could ever want.


*Blogger has yet to respond to my requests to remove the flag and I am left without any choice but to transfer the contents of my blog to Wordpress or Typepad. This whole situation is driving me NUT - I won't be at the mercy of prudish, power-hungry imbeciles.

Illustration via Lavender Lines. Does anyone know who did this illustration? I love it.