I may have mentioned in a previous post that I have a tendency to cyberstalk. Though I specialize in Ex-Boyfriends, I have also tilled the fertile soil of New Girlfriends of Ex-Boyfriends and Boys Who Didn’t Like Me in College. Though this favorite pastime initially fills me with a kind of furtive glee, I am often left feeling burdened with a knowledge best left to Jedi Masters. After all, mere mortals like me struggle to use the knowledge gained from cyberstalking for the forces of good.
When I started blogging, I discovered an unexpected side benefit: guilt-free cyberstalking. Is it not the duty of a responsible blogger to analyze her readership, understand their passions, and gather their demographic data? Is it not, in fact, recommended that a blogger know where her readers come from and how they found her? Why yes, I think it is.
That’s why I have not one but two means of tracking my peeps. Now before you get scared and run away, I want to reassure you that I can’t – for instance – see what filthy, dirty books you order from Amazon or track the items you buy at the Xandria Collection. That’s your business. But I am fascinated – FASCINATED – by the ways in which some of you find me. How on earth did the fella from Bangladesh stumble across my blog? By typing “ass hat” in Google, that’s how.
In examining the list of keywords searches that led people to WPM, I realized that visitors to my site fall into three distinct demographics. I’ve compiled a short list of these keywords, grouped by demographic, in the interests of serving my readership better through understanding.
The kinky sexpot
"Anal sex w/my mother"
"African licking punani"
"Goiter and colostomy bag sex"
"Wears diapers during sex"
"Fellacio Papua New Guinea"
The spurned lover
"Sophie sucks balls"
"Middle East man whore"
"My wife is shagging someone else"
"Why don’t I have a boyfriend"
"My first lesbian breakup"
The Jerry Springer guest
"Catholic advice fornicating roommate"
"My bf carries a gun"
"Anal sex yes/no"
"I shagged your mom"
"Gods talks to my gun"
And finally, one of the most popular keywords that leads to my blog:
I think that's about right, no?
Photographs from Pictures of Walls